Dear Tinley Jade

Dear Tinley Jade,
I have a story to tell you, it's the story of your birth.

Did you know your momma was told she would be holding you in her arms on July 3rd 2016? That's right Saturday July 2nd at about 4 p.m. after talking to my midwife about my high blood pressure (160s/90s) she asked me to come in to the hospital for monitoring. After being monitored for 3 hours my blood pressure didn't normalize and so the midwife on call, Amanda told me we would probably have to induce labour so you wouldn't be at risk. Ironically enough just when they told me that my blood pressure normalized. As part of the routine checks before sending me home they checked my cervix and I was 5cm dilated, 90% effaced and you were in the zero station. At this point everyone thought I was in early labour so I was sent to a delivery room and given an IV.

We thought my contractions would pick up that night and that you would be here the next morning, but they never did. So, the next morning Mommy, Daddy and our other midwife, Sharon decided it would be in your best interest for me to go home and let things happen naturally. Gigi and Grandpa had already traveled up to see you so we had to tell them and everyone else they would have to keep waiting.

As the week drew on Mommy was starting to get impatient and her blood pressure was still a little unsteady so the next week I had two more doc appointments one on Wednesday and one on Friday at both appointments they stripped my membranes and sent me home with confidence that you would arrive over the weekend, I was excited!

Sunday July 10 your due date rolled around and you still hadn't come. That morning your Daddy and I went to church and all the while I remember just hoping and praying you would come soon. When we got home from church I went straight to my room laid down and cried. I wanted you here and you were just as comfy as could be. I however was feeling crampy and emotional. Finally Daddy convinced me to get up. I decided to be more positive and got ready to go do something with your dad to take my mind off of the situation. Just as we were getting ready to leave mommy's belly started to feel weird.

At about 5p.m. mommy's cramps turned into what I thought might be contractions. I immediately got on my exercise ball and was there for the next hour bracing myself as the pains came and went. Then daddy decided it was time we start timing the contractions. They started off about 7 mins apart and then got closer to 5 mins apart so daddy packed up the car with all our stuff to go to the hospital. We didn't end up going to the hospital though, because just as we packed the car the contractions became really irregular at times being up to 16 mins apart.

We didn't want another false alarm trip to the hospital so we went on a walk thinking that might speed things up, but had no luck. By this time it was after eight and Daddy was getting hungry. So we got in the car and headed to KFC. We figured I should try to eat something too in case this wasn't real labour so, I carefully ordered mashed potatoes, mac n cheese and a biscuit.

Once we got home I kept having contractions, but neither daddy or I were convinced they were the real deal. It was about 10 when dad decided to go to bed and I decided I would try and sleep the best I could. Daddy fell asleep quickly and I tried to sleep, but kept waking up. I remember feeling so confused I knew my body was feeling something it never had before, but I didn't understand why my contractions were so irregular. While daddy was sleeping mommy called Sharon one of our midwives for the second time that night. Sharon comforted me and advised me to try getting in the tub. Immediately I got in the tub and then was out and back in repeatedly.

At one point I called granny and we talked on the phone as I went through some of the contractions. After we ended our conversation things started to pick up. The tub no longer comforted me. Contractions were so intense I had to get on my hands and knees and brace myself.

At around 2 a.m. I yelled for Daddy because I knew it was time to go to the hospital. Waking Daddy from a deep sleep isn't always the most fun thing he was a bit grouchy and told me I'd have to wait until he was done using the bathroom. Needless to say that didn't go over well. Lucky for him though I have forgiven him!

Upon arrival at the ER I didn't wait for Daddy to unpack the car I waddled in as quickly as possible and asked for labor and delivery. The security guard promptly provided me with a wheelchair. They asked me all these questions and thankfully Daddy answered for me. Before we knew it the L&D nurse was down to get us. She asked me how many cm dilated I was at my last appointment and when I told her 5cm she took off. Daddy could barely keep up!

Once we got in the room Sharon the midwife came in and checked my cervix I was now 6.5 cm dilated. She suggested I get in the tub (birthing pool), but I was hesitant having just come from the tub at home. She said that it would feel much different here since it was deeper. At this point the pain was terrible so I agreed. I got in the tub and continued to labour losing track of time and just trying to get through each contraction. At about 5 a.m. Sharon checked me again I was 9 cm dilated and elated I had made it this far without any pain meds and thought, "Yes I can do this!". It was important to me to bring you into the world as naturally as possible.

Unfortunately, things didn't quite go like Mommy planned. After another hour of laboring and no progress Sharon suggested we break my water which would surely progress things. I agreed and once my water broke the pain increased tremendously. I labored for another hour and to my horror I had actually went back. I was now 8.5 cm dilated the pressure of the water bag was actually holding my cervix open wider. I remember feeling so discouraged, extremely tired and in a lot of pain. I continued to labor with the new midwife on call Leticia for 3 more hours without any progress before accepting the fact that medicine would a part of your birth story.

At 10 a.m. I begged for anything that could take the pain away even a tylenol. Leticia said to talk with Daddy and see if I really wanted to, I told her I didn't need to talk to Daddy. HAHA Ironically enough though I had to wait an additional hour for my epidural because the doctor was in surgery. In the meantime they gave Mommy Nubane(SP) It made things A LOT more bearable. The next thing I knew the Doctor came in and administered the epidural, but the other medicine was already working so well I actually fell asleep while getting it. That scared Daddy a little bit he thought the Doctor killed me.

Three hours later I woke up from a very relaxing nap and was checked again, by this time I was fully effaced, 10 cm dilated, and ready to push. With the support of Daddy and our midwife Leticia I pushed for 40 mins and at 3:34 p.m. you were born. Daddy loves to tell everyone that I just kept saying gimme gimme. Well at least you know you are loved and very much wanted!!

As curious as I was to find out your weight and length I didn't want you to leave my side. Finally, though I let them take you and voiced my guess of 8 pounds 12 ounces you were 9 pounds 5 ounces and 22 inches long. You were perfect and everyday since your birth my life has had an added JOY because of you!! I truly feel like my life has a deeper meaning. I never thought the sacrifices of being a mother would be easy, and it can be very hard at times but, for sure without a doubt I will always always always tell you and anyone who asks, "You are worth it" everyday, any day, all the days! I love you Tins ! Mommy and Daddy love you without reserve and we promise to do our best to entrust you to the Lord following his plan and ensuring that we will be guided to give you the best of ourselves.

Love, Mommy

Babymooners

We are four weeks out!

FOUR!

As in if our little girl comes on her due date, we will be holding her in our arms in a matter of a month. It is the most indescribable feeling because I have SO MANY feelings about it. EXCITEMENT. FEAR. JOY.

We know her arrival will be life changing we know things will never be the same, we know they will be better. She is a blessing from God.

However, we also know that having this beautiful addition enter our lives will challenge us in ways that we never thought possible and that raising her will be a grand adventure that requires us to be the best version of ourselves. We know the best gift we can give our sweet Tinley Jade is a home with God at the center and so we pray that the Lord would work in our lives ever increasingly taking our focus off of worldly things and onto the things of Heaven.

Our relationship and how we treat each other will ultimately be one of the greatest ways we show Tinley and the world the Love of Jesus our Lord. We know we must continually invest and pour into each other in ways that speak Love to the other person, because we want our sweet girl to understand we are FOR EACH OTHER just like our heavenly father is FOR US.

This past weekend we were able to do just that as we devoted a whole 5 days to us. From the moment we became pregnant we knew we wanted to take a babymoon we both agreed it was important to spend some serious quality time together shortly before our bundle of joy entered the world. We had heard the advice from many new parents. "For those first couple months its all about baby. You are in survival mode you don't have a lot of "US" time and that can often strain your relationship." Taking the wise advice of those who had gone before we planned a little getaway to Michigan.

Well I guess you couldn't really say planned because uh we didn't do a whole lot of that... we knew we would spend at least one night in St. Joseph and then travel more north just exploring. Yep, those were the extent of our plans the point was that we would spend time together. So, you could pretty much say YELP and Trip Advisor were our best friends.

We had to make a lot of decisions spur of the moment and ended up experiencing some really great things together and lots of firsts for the both of us!

Like a Bed and Breakfast (The Painted Turtle), St. Joseph, Traverse City, Michigan's Coast, Build A Bear Workshop, Silver Beach Pizza, Bread +Bar, Gumbo, Tosi's Cafe, Cabana's, Slabtown Burgers, Grand Traverse Resort and Spa, Black Beard's Putt Putt Course, cart cycling, Georgina's and Harbor Shores Golf Course!

Of all the places we explored and all the things we did the best moments of our trip were the moments we spent laughing together and challenging each other. Coming home we feel refreshed and excited for this next phase of our lives. We are ready to meet our GIRL! Also, we highly recommend babymoons!! They don't have to be long or expensive or far away the point is quality time with your significant other, make it a priority!

Elaboration

Zac fell deeply in love with Harbor Shores Golf Course and I enjoyed the pretty scenery and being caddy for a day!

We explored the local eateries and have a couple recommendations if you are in the area!
St.Joseph: Our favorites were Silver Beach Pizza, Bread + Bar, and Tosi's Cafe

Silver Beach Pizza: The Pizza and breadsticks were delicious and really reasonably priced!! Plus you got a nice view of the lake!

Tosi's Cafe was a quaint little place in the middle of downtown surrounded by dessert shops! Everything looked delicious but I really loved their bacon corn chowder although, I didn't get a picture of that but here is our main course! So yummy!

Last but, definitely not least was Bread + Bar a more high end restaurant with the flavors to back up the price!! My first time trying filet mignon and Zac's first time trying polenta, everything surpassed our expectations!

Traverse City: Slabtown Burgers and Gerogina's both places on opposite ends of the spectrum but equally yummy with uniquely cool atmospheres. I only got pictures of Slabtown (it was in a renovated old house) so you'll have to look up Georgina's on your own!

You don't appreciate it until you work for it!

I finally feel like I have time to relax and write again now that school is done until January.

First and foremost I wanted to thank everyone who prayed for me these last couple of months as I struggled to make it through a class I really didn't enjoy. Math has never been my thing but when you throw in constructions its a recipe for disaster and it was..... but to be honest I had this mentality going into it that wasn't all that great either. I kept telling myself get through it this isn't your thing, your not going to remember anything, and you won't enjoy it but, just do it. So I did my homework got my A's and then when it came to the tests did awful I won't beat around the bush. Quickly realizing working at this pace wasn't going to cut it and if I didn't muster up some kind of something I wasn't going to get the C+ I needed, I buckled down. First I asked everyone to pray for me and then I got to work studying. I had a C+ in the class but with the final being a third of my grade and my test history of two C's and an F I knew I was going to have to work extra hard. I needed a C+ on the final to keep my grade and from how I had done on the other two tests I was pretty nervous at first wondering if it was even possible. To be honest I'm just not used to studying and I usually don't, except when it comes to math and I think I found out why. I have to work at it and actually apply myself. Putting that extra effort in isn't enjoyable or pleasant when I could be doing other things like spending time with my friends and family.

Something changed though as I studied for my test as I kept working at it learning more it got easier for me to keep studying over the weekend. The more effort I put into it the more effort I wanted to keep putting into it. Studying for probably a combined total of four hours over the weekend the stress started to melt. As Monday afternoon rolled around I was a little uneasy but I knew going into it that I was okay with whatever happened because I had worked hard and I had learned and taught myself the material I hadn't previously understood.

After taking the test I was a little nervous but, was pretty sure I had gotten at least a C+. Waiting for my grade to come in seemed like ages. When I finally saw the results though it made me love math a little :). I had gotten a 77% C+ on my final. My hard work paid off and I was so happy. I learned so much from this experience. The reason it made me love math is because I realized how much more you appreciate the things you have to work towards earning. It has inspired to apply this in every aspect of my life and I can't wait to see the rewards it produces. When I returned to look at my grades tonight I had a "B" and I feel so blessed. God was definitely working behind the scenes growing and teaching me. I am so thankful that he blessed me and gave me the motivation to study.

Check Canoeing Off

Zac and I woke up bright and early around 7:15 and got ready and headed to Jalapa a small town around Marion. We met our friends Eric and Brooke and dropped the truck off so we could ride with them to pick up the canoes.

We rented the canoes out at Riverbend and had them in the water by 8:30! Then we began our five mile journey down the river. It was such a great time I really enjoyed being outside. The scenery was beautiful the green trees against the relaxing ripple of the water made me want to start every day with canoeing. We laughed and ate candy and enjoyed the company of each other. Besides the BIG OLE rock that bumped Zac straight off his seat and right into the middle of the canoe the trip was as smooth as can be. Well we did have to walk once but that was only for a very short time like maybe two minutes. And thankfully the night before I had with the help of Zac sought out the appropriate river walking shoes. It only took four stores Dollar General, Walgreens, Marsh and then finally CVS came through. Best shoes ever so comfy. They aren't the cutest though but let me thoroughly recommend ( DOGGERS)!! I jokingly told Zac I might where them more often then I should he gave me a look and I smiled.

Zac said his day was made when we saw our first ever bald eagle!It sitting on a branch right in front of us. I had to admit that was pretty cool! Ironically Eric had just mentioned them only ten minutes earlier. For me the birds and the wildlife were only a small part of what made the day so great it was peacefulness I felt out there with no distractions just us and nature cooperating as we glided our sometimes awkward canoe away from the rocks. It was a good feeling to know that besides minor disgruntle we were a team

At one point we even stopped off at this little stream that broke away from the water. We took about ten minutes on foot to walk through part of it. It was really neat and I was thankful we got the opportunity to do that. It was mainly in the woods and although the water was much shallower it was also much colder. We saw little fish and overall it was just really pretty seeing how the rocks were perfectly shaped to let the water glide over them.

We got out of the river around 11:30 and the boys pulled our canoes up a really steep hill and then through a very crowded with weeds, brush, and trees trail. That was my least favorite part of the trip going through a wooded trail with only small footpath and lots of mosquitos didn't get me very excited especially when the boys couldn't tell us if it was the right trail or not. It was ! We made it out and I'm excited for our next canoe trip!!

Five Minute Friday : Broken

No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation.

Unscripted. Unedited. Real.

5 mins of writing on a set topic.

Then linking up at Lisa-Jo Baker's blog.

Prompt: Broken

START-

When we look at or see the word BROKEN a negative connotation immediately follows. What if though, we began to look at our broken moments differently. What if we realized their potential to encourage growth and saw how they could change us drastically into the people God desires us to be. Wouldn't our lives be sweeter and our hearts more accepting.

From the Message, Matthew 5:4 You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you, Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

A must read

While I'd like to say I've begun reading Bonhoeffer.....No that goal is still on list but I am finishing up another extraordinary book right now. (Peace Making Women). My eyes are wide open. I see. I recommend it if you desire to see too.

What do I see? I see the the lies I have believed about relationships and I am beginning to understand how those lies can be restored with, peace. I'm not finished with this book yet but, I know its an excellent read for anyone willing to receive biblical knowledge about solving real life problems with those people we have to talk to everyday, those people we need to talk to everyday. Humans and their relationships are ever changing but if we presume to keep our relationships peaceful, one thing must remain constant, LOVE.

God is Love having said that the foundation for all peace-filled relationships is the gospel of Jesus Christ.

One of the great quotes I got from the book: On the last day. Jesus will not ask about our IQ, social status, health, or wealth. He will ask how our relationships were. And the chief characteristic of a good relationship is love. ~ Alfred Poirier

Plain and simple their are just a few insights I must share with you, they are life changing and totally useful for this generation. As they have helped me to preserve in my convictions and inspired dramatic change in me.

Loving a person despite how they treat you is a reflection of who you are and your heart not about who they are and whether or not they deserve your love.

Forgiveness too? Your probably thinking. and the answer.... OH YES. Yes yes yes.

But what about sacrifice? That can't be the case with it after all those pinterest sayings I've read about not making someone else your priority when they only make you an option. Well my friends according to the Bible we have been deceived. Sacrificing for others is more about us than it is about them. It a reflection of our ability to be selfless or lack thereof.

I'm so thankful for the insights of Tara Barthel and Judy Dabler wwho coauthored Peace Making Women and pray God uses this book to radically change my heart and mold be into a peace making woman.

something worth sharing

October 14, 2012

I was having an unusually bad night. I kept thinking to myself unhealthy thoughts and thoughts that would normally fuel a relapse in my eating disorder. I wanted so badly to feel confident in who I was and what God had so graciously blessed me with but... to be honest, I just didn't. I sent up a short prayer for some sort of help particularly mentioning and thinking about confidence.... and then in that moment I decided I wouldn't lay in my bed a second longer.

I got up and went to the next room over, where my bible and green journal lay. Two items I hadn't touched in about a week. Hoping to find some sort of solace in writing to God a heartfelt prayer, I opened my green Pslams journal to the next clean sheet and to my amazement there on the opposite side of the page lay a verse and a title. They read: My Heart Is Confident in You. and verses 57:1-3 and 57:7-11 followed. I remember even to this day almost a year later how warmed my heart was. Here I was thinking I was going to write down some desperate plea for help and my Savior was ready for it, for whatever need I might have. He had written me the most beautiful words I could imagine, life giving words.

Upon reading Pslam 57:1-3 Be good to me, God and now! I've run to You for dear life. I'm hiding out under your wings until the hurricane blows over. I call out to High God, the God who holds me together. He sends orders from heaven and saves me..... God delivers generous love, He makes good on his word. AND Pslam 57: 7-11 My heart is confident in You, O God; my heart is confident. No wonder I can sing Your Praises!... I will wake the dawn with my song. I will thank You, Lord, among all the people. I will sing Your praises among the nations. For Your unfailing love is as high as the heavens. Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds. Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens. May Your glory shine over all the earth. Instantly my heart brimmed with joy and the tears were gone.

Seeing God is such a vivid way forever changed my life. He is always with us and caring for us but we must seek him if we are to find him.