Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Friday, July 12, 2013
October 14, 2012 I was having an unusually bad night. I kept thinking to myself unhealthy thoughts and thoughts that would normally fuel a relapse in my eating disorder. I wanted so badly to feel confident in who I was and what God had so graciously blessed me with but... to be honest, I just didn't. I sent up a short prayer for some sort of help particularly mentioning and thinking about confidence.... and then in that moment I decided I wouldn't lay in my bed a second longer. I got up and went to the next room over, where my bible and green journal lay. Two items I hadn't touched in about a week. Hoping to find some sort of solace in writing to God a heartfelt prayer, I opened my green Pslams journal to the next clean sheet and to my amazement there on the opposite side of the page lay a verse and a title. They read: My Heart Is Confident in You. and verses 57:1-3 and 57:7-11 followed. I remember even to this day almost a year later how warmed my heart was. Here I was thinking I was going to write down some desperate plea for help and my Savior was ready for it, for whatever need I might have. He had written me the most beautiful words I could imagine, life giving words. Upon reading Pslam 57:1-3 Be good to me, God and now! I've run to You for dear life. I'm hiding out under your wings until the hurricane blows over. I call out to High God, the God who holds me together. He sends orders from heaven and saves me..... God delivers generous love, He makes good on his word. AND Pslam 57: 7-11 My heart is confident in You, O God; my heart is confident. No wonder I can sing Your Praises!... I will wake the dawn with my song. I will thank You, Lord, among all the people. I will sing Your praises among the nations. For Your unfailing love is as high as the heavens. Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds. Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens. May Your glory shine over all the earth. Instantly my heart brimmed with joy and the tears were gone. Seeing God is such a vivid way forever changed my life. He is always with us and caring for us but we must seek him if we are to find him.