running in circles

I'm so forgetful, but you always remind me you're the only one who brings me Peace

im so forgetful, but you always remind me
youre the only one who brings me peace

so i come, lord
to tell you i love you
to tell you i need you
to tell you theres no better place for me than in your arms
to tell you im sorry for running in circles
for placing my focus on the waves and not your face
By: United Pursuit - Running in Circles

As I sat in my college ministry,(Engage)today and listened to the band play I felt the weight of these lyrics they were exactly what my heart felt. Word for word they echoed my thoughts.

I was frustrated at my week and my stagnant good Christian life. I was upset with my actions and how I had let self pity be my God. I was exhausted at how much I had complained and dwelt on what I didn't have. And instead of getting in God's word I had gone to every other place I could possibly think of for peace. I had desired to be filled by friendships, my boyfriend, my family, my appearance and my job.

When none of these things filled me I was left feeling like a failure. The onset of negative thoughts and a negative attitude had taken over me. I was bitter, angry, sad, lonely, frustrated, and hurt. I wasn't setting a Christ-like example of faith I was responding to my emotions. I was following my will not his and seeing how quickly it was getting me back to the place He has redeemed me from.

You see, only five short years ago I was in the midst of an eating disorder threatening to claim all that God has for me to accomplish here on this earth. He brought me through it though and has given me freedom through his son. He made stronger and grew my relationship with him. He taught me so much. He truly does make everything work together for his GLORY. This week though it was as if I had forgotten all He had done for me and was focusing all that I didn't have.

Realizing what was happening and being involved in a wonderful ministry (Engage) I was blessed to have them pray for me. Pray that my faith would increase exponentially. Pray that I would trust God more; that I would let him use me and grow me to do great things in His name. It is in that moment that my heart softened and I realized I was being filled he was what I had needed and will always need. Its our relationship FIRST. HIS and mine.

If you read my blog, live in my area, and are looking for a college ministry to be involved in, please let me personally recommend Engage Ministry at White River Christian Church (Noblesville, IN).